Thursday, June 3, 2010

Furry Vengeance - Zero Stars

The opening scene of the brain-numbing Furry Vengeance pretty much says it all. A businessman driving through the woods is talking to his boss about the mall that they are going to build there, and an intrepid little shit of a raccoon and his friends run his car off the road and over a cliff. You see, the animals don't want the forest torn down, so they hassle, embarrass, maim, and even kill anyone that gets in their way. It's a pretty good PG message to dispense to children or, wait... on second thought it might be everything that is annoying and wrong about today's children. So save your ten bucks and just take a trip to the Wal-Mart toy aisle. Not only does this car-wreck teach children to take what they want, however they have to go about doing so, but it also teaches them that shit like this is supposed to be funny, or maybe I'm just not sophisticated enough to understand the subtleties of tipping over a porta-potty with a surely ashamed Brendan Fraser in it. Seriously though, who told Brendan Fraser this was a good idea? In addition to that, he gets naked in a tomato-juice bath after being skunked, he runs around in the tightest women's track suit imaginable with "yum-yum" printed on the ass, and he also receives a golden shower while wrestling with a raccoon. What was he thinking? What were the raccoon and the skunk thinking? What was anyone involved with this thinking?

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