Monday, July 11, 2011

Green Lantern - Zero Stars


Zero. Zero chemistry between leads; zero action; zero fun; zero humor; zero excitement; zero plot; zero cool; zero subtlety; zero intelligence; zero logic; zero narrative coherence; zero talent displayed; zero passable effects; zero effect on the audience who possess zero interest in the characters, zero interest in absorbing any of the crummy images put up on the screen, zero interest in fighting the urge to allow sleep to overcome them, zero interest in paying attention to some truly shit dialogue, unnecessary flashbacks, uneven and confusing introductions/uses of powers, ugly green imaginary weapons, unimpressive set pieces, lousy set/costume design, a villain that is more scary in the unintentional sense of more closely resembling the set of dreadlocks found on the head of some jackass wearing a tie-died shirt and trying to sell me on the benefits of organic toilet paper when I was in college than an evil, menacing entity bent on world-- no, UNIVERSE domination in a movie that looks less like it's based on a popular comic book series than on a line of generic action figures from the dollar store. Zero heart; zero grace; zero subtlety; zero wit; zero ambition; zero effort... Zero stars. And most importantly, zero desire for the surely shit sequel that was shamelessly teased during the end credits.

4 comments:

  1. But, be honest. Did you go in with zero expectations? Or did you go in with a few and not find them giving you zero chance of ever enjoy the over-hyped, hunk of soul-less rock that it was sure to be? I'm surprise you even wasted your time in going to watch it! You had to know it was going to be a laughable attempt to capture something that took multiple writers, artists and years to touch on awesome.

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  2. My expectations for this were really low, too. Somehow it still managed to not even meet my very low expectations.

    This could very well be the worst super hero movie yet. We still haven't seen "The Avengers" yet, but I'm setting my expectations even lower in advance.

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  3. For the record, I went in with the lowest of expectations, and the hope of this at least being laughable. And while it was indeed laughable for a little while, it got old fast, and I was left with heavy eye-lids.

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  4. I don't know who you are Avengers naysayer, but shut up. Although I agree with you on GL, Avengers has something GL didn't have. Joss Whedon. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand who the Hell watched GL and actually thought it was worth releasing? Fired that one is.

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