Thoughts - Gigli (2003)

11/18/13: First thing's first... Gigli isn't as bad as you've heard. It's an almost absolute misfire, a fact which was adversely compounded by a heaping load of negative hype. Even a good film didn't stand a chance with the buzz that this bad one received, though wording it like that makes it seem as though the film is completely innocent, when in reality it was very much complicit in its own inevitable demise. It didn't so much receive its negative buzz as it generated it, emanated it, even, with its stupid-ass smug title with the confusing pronunciation that they surely thought was clever and interesting, and the casting of then-it-couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez that was supposed to be so cute. The fact that the promotion of Gigli and its resulting coverage gave rise to the celebrity portmanteau, and potential audiences were subjected to the term "Bennifer" is alone reason to revile the film and revolt against it.

So... How is the actual film, ten years removed from all of the hype? It's still pretty bad, but tolerable most of the time. It's totally understandable that it seemed like a good idea, on paper: written and directed by Martin Brest, it follows in a similar vein as Midnight Run or Scent of a Woman, aiming to be a tale of quirky criminals falling for each other through a series of overly verbose battles of wits. Unfortunately Brest misjudges the likability of his characters, who are as smug as the film's title and, like the film itself, lack a modicum of self-awareness which might have made them, and it, interesting. So their loquacious bouts become exhausting rather than endearing. Oh, and it probably doesn't help that the plot centers around them kidnapping and holding for ransom a retarded kid who thinks they're taking him to the Baywatch set and loves to sing Baby Got Back, something the filmmakers obviously thought was so painfully funny that they couldn't resist throwing the audio of which in over the end credits.

And yet there's still a faint charm to Gigli... It's ill-conceived and poorly executed, but its intentions are so well-meaning; it really does think it's being nice and sweet when Affleck's self-proclaimed "Sultan of Slick... Rule of fuckin' cool... Fuckin' original, straight-first-foremost, pimp-mack, fuckin hustler, original gangster's gangster!"shows Justin Bartha's Sir Mix a Lot-loving retarded kid how to sweet-talk ladies. And when they do happen upon the Baywatch set, and Affleck watches from a distance as Bartha wanders his way into the scene and chats up a model, his smile of approval is so genuine it almost makes you almost want to share in his, and the film's, self-satisfaction. *1/2

The Back-Up Plan - ***

Who would have thought that, four months into the year, one of the most enjoyable movies to date would be a romantic comedy starring Jennifer Lopez? Not me, but there you have it. The Back-Up Plan isn't great, not even close, but it does do enough of the little things to get you on its side so that you're willing to overlook the obvious transgressions... They don't like each other at first, but then they get to know each other and hit it off, until he does something that is taken out of context and they break up for a while until her friend tells her to wise up, and so on. Sure, it has all of the cliches and narrative potholes of every rom-com I can't stand, but it also has several moments I would call hilarious, like when Lopez's water breaks at a geriatric wedding and you can see everyone in the background feeling their pants, or when Robert Klein shows up for one scene as the gynecologist, half of which consists of him repeating the word "vagina" ten times in a row to ward off the boyfriend's squeamishness. Maybe I liked it because it has the right amount of vulgarity, or the right kind of bathroom humor, or maybe it's just that, while it's not realistic in any sense, it's my kind of fantasy, the kind where an average guy can win over a beautiful girl with a candle-lit dinner where he serves pizza.