Diary of a Wimpy Kid - *

When did children's films stop having any element of reality in them at all? When did they altogether give up on trying to challenge kids or teach them something about life and give in to this hokey, hyper-polished Hollywood universe? I'm not sure when it was, but curse that day.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid features every awkward moment that never happened to anybody, but for some reason end up in every single movie or television show about junior high. Where did the idea for a circle of kids chanting "Fight! Fight! Fight!" come from? How about the one where the kid goes to a new school where there is a rigid social hierarchy that is so hard to break into that he has to sit on the floor at lunch next to the trash cans so asshole kids can miss the can and their uneaten food can land comically on New Kid's head? And who designed the cafeteria that doesn't have enough chairs for all of the students? What a dickhead. The most surprising thing about this film is that New Kid never shows up to school with no pants on, though that may be because there are already one-too-many shots of kids sitting on toilets with their pants down. It's weird, though it is the only thing in the film that actually happens in junior high.